The addiction of touch

Being with someone. Being close to someone (a certain someone).........thts what i want :)

Have u ever got lost in someone s eyes? 

It had been hardly 10 seconds since i looked into her beautiful brown eyes when the urge to kiss her now so familiar soft lips was owerpowering me and i had to fight back with all my strength of self-constraint and look away, making sure i dont spoil whatever i was left with.

Are you in love with me?" She asked. I'm sure I saw a tear in her eye when I looked over. She turned her head so I  couldn't see it though.

"I don't know. I'm not sure what it would feel like. I know I like you very much. And I know I don't look forward to a life without you. I don't want you to leave. I know I've never felt this way about anyone before. If this isn't love, I can't wait to fall in love because it must be incredible." I said in a rare moment of clarity and poetry.

And a few moments later, under a star-lit sky i proposed her.

We never realize when things get out of hand, when the desperation to get the one you love swallows you and every sane thought turns into a lethal,binding and hopeless insanity. There have been occasions in the last few days when i have felt numb and emotionless. The numbness arose out of the need to shield my soul against the storm of insanity which keeps pushing me into the darkness, day in and day out.

Love is a weird and wonderful thing.Sometimes we choose to make it good or bad.Probably its not even our choice but its the time that makes us do things we dont ever want to do. Sometimes i feel suffocated and experience terrible sorrow.In these times the general feeling is that of desperation and it makes me want to be touched and  loved, cuddled and be close to someone. It gets worse when you get used to the feeling and lose it, all of a sudden. 

Again this gives you two options- Hate yourself/her and move into darkness OR fight it and get accustomed to change,  start smiling again and move on. I chose the second path but am addicted to her touch now :( Am just walking in the  wilderness with only the belief that in the end things work out the way they have to. Do i miss her?? Upto you to decide :) 

Cya

Being Lost

One of my favorite fantasies has been to get lost somewhere in this big wide beautiful world.A place where no one can reach or disturb you.Well folks i did manage to satisfy my whims last month when i went on a long drive to Diveagarh,an isolated beach some 100 miles from pune.It was a trip in which i truly felt the feeling of being lost in the entirety.
How can you determine whether you are actually lost? Its a very simple test actually.Do the people living with you ever complain that you tend to ignore what they say and on the contrary you feel when did that happen.Well it happens to me all the time and i dont have a clue to it :) When i did a brief analysis of this fact,i realized that i dont ignore people,but am usually so lost that i dont even hear what they have to say.Now there is a certain part of my mind that is suggesting that i have i have become like a machine running a single process and Grass is responsible for all these malfunctions.The major portion still does not agree so it continues to be a theory of a lost mind.
Tomorrow i am going off to the MRA camp and hope i do get morally rehabilitated to something/someone functioning in a much better fashion.Will be back by weekend with the tales of the camp.Cya :)

Really Lost

Helo ppl long time no see.....Well ma mistake i've been away from blogsphere for the last couple of weeks,i.e ever since the euphoria of exams took over.Lets stop this bullshit and get down to what i want to discuss.
Right now i am going through some king of identity crisis and i dont know where am i headed.The problem is that soo many things are bothering me that i can hardly prioritize.Also the problem of indecision has come back to haunt me all over again. jobs or studies? marketing or finance or IT? Rhythm guitarist or bassist? Metal or classical rock? friends or lovers?? Life always comes to a full circle and makes us feel inadequate about everything. I read somewhere, "Right now your life is exactly what you want it to be." Initially i did not endorse this statement but now the meaning has started to sink in. How else can you explain my negligent attitude towards studies leading to a couple of backlogs in last semester.I got exactly what i wanted.So basically i need to start working hard if i want to set things right in my life.I shall be busy, very busy for the next couple of months so may not post anything new. Come back towards the end of April for more insights into my mind.Till then adios :-)